he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
