I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
