I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
