you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
