I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
