dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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