in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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