I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
