dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
