I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
