Do you still have your period?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
