I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
