So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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