You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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