I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
