I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
