we have officially lost it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
