I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
