Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
