she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
