you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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