pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
two words: eviction party
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
