I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
