Can i not drive my cunt home
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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