That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
