just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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