i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
