I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
