I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
