So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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