Kiss
Puke
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
