That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
