I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
