So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
