tell your sister to shave her snatch
ugly people sure do ruin things
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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