Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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