i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
