So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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