Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i dont even know how to be here
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
