Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
