Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
