with your own penis?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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