hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
