he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
