why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
