too bad you live with your parents still
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
