some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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