Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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