I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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