If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
