we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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