R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
