just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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