He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
