The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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