i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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