I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
