hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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