Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize