Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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