This girl is more easily done than said...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
