there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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