Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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