How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it was like eating out sand paper
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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