You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
