Where did you get a picture of my penis
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
