so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
