Sponge bath it is.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
