The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
