so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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