Quick, to the slutcave!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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