he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize