Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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