Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
