what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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