hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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