why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
