Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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