24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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